Going back to grandparent's place

[Imurann]

I donno about you guys, but just yesterday I had talked to one of my friends in campus and he mention almost the same thing that I had in mind. Going back to the main family always been a problem for me, of course I do feel like an outcast sometimes (maybe I am, but I didnt notice how far it went) It's kinda odd that the place where our parents were growing up aren't sometimes a good place to visit. There always be some grownups that may hate us, or so to say gossips or comparing us with their child's developments. for me, #%#@ had to say I havent even start working yet, maybe that's the turnoff. Year by year its always the same reply for that same question "Working or ...?" and the answer is "studying" XD (it's been repeating ever since I could have remember) I was slightly naughty back during my younger age, yeah got caught lolz.. that's why it really feels different now, even after 10 years and it still wouldn't patch up that well. I have enough regrets already, but nothing seems to knack it up. One thing I learned so far was being more open minded on certain things, even learned how to accept my friends whom are not that perfect, but if they had an honest heart, I will always be there for them. Ironic, friendship doesn't stays infinitely like how I predicted it. My best friends always went away somehow, family distance or new girlfriend-going-to-be-his-wife-soon kind of thing. Oh, I do have one friend. I did taught him some things XD but it's nice to have someone whom actually sees and understand what I'm going through. Let alone our difference in religious thoughts nor racial entity. Sometimes I feel that we are like survivors of the end, where everyday life is like a nightmare even if it doesn't look like it at first. Always keep this in mind, even if our parents are different, we can always be friends if we kept our relationship a total secret from them, then we can always be friends.

Man, even after saying this I just feel like staying home and code my java project from scratch, or browse the net endlessly.

[li0n]

[quote="Imurann"]I donno about you guys, but just yesterday I had talked to one of my friends in campus and he mention almost the same thing that I had in mind. Going back to the main family always been a problem for me, of course I do feel like an outcast sometimes (maybe I am, but I didnt notice how far it went) It's kinda odd that the place where our parents were growing up aren't sometimes a good place to visit. There always be some grownups that may hate us, or so to say gossips or comparing us with their child's developments. for me, #%#@ had to say I havent even start working yet, maybe that's the turnoff. Year by year its always the same reply for that same question "Working or ...?" and the answer is "studying" XD (it's been repeating ever since I could have remember) I was slightly naughty back during my younger age, yeah got caught lolz.. that's why it really feels different now, even after 10 years and it still wouldn't patch up that well. I have enough regrets already, but nothing seems to knack it up. One thing I learned so far was being more open minded on certain things, even learned how to accept my friends whom are not that perfect, but if they had an honest heart, I will always be there for them. Ironic, friendship doesn't stays infinitely like how I predicted it. My best friends always went away somehow, family distance or new girlfriend-going-to-be-his-wife-soon kind of thing. Oh, I do have one friend. I did taught him some things XD but it's nice to have someone whom actually sees and understand what I'm going through. Let alone our difference in religious thoughts nor racial entity. Sometimes I feel that we are like survivors of the end, where everyday life is like a nightmare even if it doesn't look like it at first. Always keep this in mind, even if our parents are different, we can always be friends if we kept our relationship a total secret from them, then we can always be friends.

Man, even after saying this I just feel like staying home and code my java project from scratch, or browse the net endlessly.[/quote]




Firstly there is nothing wrong with the reply 'still studying,' its a usual thing to say when you meet people whom you don't meet with often, they dont really know what's going on in your life so a general indication is whether you are working, married or whatever Realise that they grew up in a time different to yours as well, so they aren't really good with the 'small talk' as such.^^

As for friends, yeah its a phase i guess, new ones come in others come out its just something you put up with. But if you feel somewhat saddened by it then go out and get new friends!! xD

That being said, you should be lucky you have the opportunity to go back and visit family, i can't do such a thing, place where i grew up is over-shrouded by war.

So you shouldn't worry at all , sit back, code your java when you like and at least fake smile when you meet family you're always bound to find someone you like and don't like ^_^

[Imurann]

{followup}

Hmm, it wasnt that bad as I thought it would be. Had to keep that sense of "keeping as quiet as possible", I never did talk to my uncle nor aunt that much, just keeping it clean and clear.

When I just drop by the house, greeted everyone, well frankly I probably just wink at the rest, except greeted my grandmother in a slight formal way :| I did have that, well you know, preparation in my head. People here, always do react towards the looks of their clothings. So I wore my sports t-shirts with a open-jacket, pretty much looking like a <i>sempai</i> from {generated} university. Well, just one aunt that was concerned about asking my status, well just told her I was still doing my software engineering studies.

So far so good.

My planned worked, it seems that silence and listening more pays off greatly. Of course, you need to be perfect in all of your movement, not letting even a slightest mistake out. Hmm, but sadly this year wasn't that happy like any other years before. Maybe the family just getting old. Internal warfare in within the family itself is troublesome issue, but of course we kids cant do nothing about it. My little cousins are all growing up well.. managed to caught them walking naked before baths, lawl.. phedobear.. but I'm not like that. kekeke

Oh yea, we did went to this island named <i>Pangkor</i>, but followed a tourguide, so it wasn't much for a one-day (4-5 hours) adventure. Didn't bring a camera, sorry. Sandy beach, and lots of guys playing by the side of the beach. The tourguide is quite a guy, old timer in that island probably. I did remembered, in his pink colored taxi-van, his rear mirror is target at me.. though I won't know what it actually meant. It felt slightly racial, in my first thought, maybe because I'm slightly dark in skin color.. nah, my imagination. I had another thought, but I think it's too mystical for that now.

On the third day, headed back to home-station. My little bro is being an ass as usual. Cant keep his mouth shut, and resisting it is futile. Oh well, that's that. It wasn't that bad. At least I managed to eye-knack some chinese chicks while on the ferry (while going to the island). It was a short success, and ends at the same time as well. T_T goodbye chinese amoi..

I need a life XD

[kirei_lanford]

true friends are hard to meet, i should say... after all this time i had,, i only have a few persons that really know and understand how the real me,, and so do i follow the same path as that person,

say,, a and b who i believe a close friend to me, until i get too close to them.. living in a house (the three of us rent a house, but we're pure men,, dun get that wrong) i found a is very self-centered,, he always think he know the best.. and b.. he often change his statement at different times.. his words aren't reliable.. of course like i say before i still happy if they're around me... being alone is more miserable.. bu, yet being called a true friend, having the ability to understand the difference every people has,, it's a diffferent matter. sorry for bring off topic, but sine u mention something about friend up there so heheh.. yet i'm happy that there's still two or three people that never act outside my expetation,, they're my true friends..

finding a girl is like that too,, after failed twice,, being more careful in seeing people's characteristic,, and giving the right response at the right time are some of the things that im currently exploring deeper.. i have a lot to study about human sigh,,

[Imurann]

Maybe for all of us, the experience is always different. Just to tell another story, started from my first entrance in a university of engineering, but I only managed to live there for a single day. Just what's was interesting, is that fate has open it's gates for me. I've noticed the room-mates that I had back then *in early january* was somewhat similar to my Diploma house-mates config. As in they are almost the same type of people, but in different bodies. This furthers the concept that fate wants us to decide on our own. Repetative history, again and again we are tested on the same matters. The question is "do we ever learn?"

I went psyche overnight in the hostel, I've been living at home for a year (jobless and just doing some part-time work) Maybe that was the pull that my thoughts were playing with me. Somehow my senses rang to me, that I had to play my part as a family member, as someone strong in the family or a sort of a jackass sometimes, lol. (Depends on the situation) we brothers tend to be "brothers" sometimes right? that's normal logic. Out from the hostel, I filed a change of course which lead me to study in the main city of my country, and of course traverse and back to my home to school (university) everyday by commuter train.

Interestingly I met similar looks of friends over there in the new university. The university management uses a concept of cluster campuses, where each major courses are separated from each other in major distances. Just my area now are filled with IT students. About the friends, are similar to my older university, really felt like at home. Similar looking faces means we can blend easily. I think the creator gave me a new fate that is suitable for me. But the night in the hostel really gave me a change. I have met a big wall. From there starts a new path, something different, something welcoming, something new.

Hopefully things will get better, but above all. Prayers really did help me out generously during the hard and easy times. Guess there's where I'm slightly differs in concept. But the whole world still probably takes time to understand that, probably? Each and every one has different thoughts on how the end going to be. Personally for me, I've seen different endings in my dreams. Mostly are good ending.. but one part I did not understand.

The part where my eyes were looking at a distance place, while spacing out endlessly. I have to be there to know what it means then. If the creator will.